Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
