my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
