PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
