god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
