I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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