Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize