It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
