My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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