My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
