i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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