dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
