NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
