Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
