u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
