Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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