Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
