Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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