wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize