Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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