is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
