how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
