I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
