Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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