you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
