i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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