i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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