Nicole vs. Life
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
