Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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