I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm determined to sit on that face.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
is it fun? or sober?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
