You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
