i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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