bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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