My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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