Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I understand Curling. That high.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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