Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
