why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize