FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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