I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
