I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
