I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
