Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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