You're so nebulous sometimes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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