we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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