dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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