I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
time to smoke my breakfast
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
