"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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