Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
