Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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