Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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