I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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