guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
