i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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