I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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