Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
