i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
