my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Last time i carry you out of a forest
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
