Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
