tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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