All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
