It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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