I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
