I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
